Is ADHD ruining your marriage? Do you feel like if something isn’t done urgently divorce will be the only option? Did you know that undiagnosed/untreated ADHD is one of the most destructive things within a marriage?! here is why:
Adults with unmedicated/unmanaged ADHD are:
- More prone to addictions or self-medicating behaviors
- More prone to anger/rage/explosive episodes
- More irritable/less patient
- Overact about the small silly things
- Have poor executive functioning skills
- Have more employment turnover
- Think they contribute to the household way more than they actually do
And ADHD spouses more often report:
- Having to take care of and act like the parent to ensure things actually get done
- Higher burden within the home- more responsibility for the kids, chores and household expectations
- Feeling unimportant, forgotten or used
- Questioning why their spouse was so much more engaged and capable while they were dating
It is not that an ADHD individual means to do all these things, but the non-ADHD spouse will oftentimes pick up the pieces and act like the parent. It is the mom burden that cannot be shared and will forever feel like a weight which is amplified further once ADHD kids come along.
We can target how to set boundaries, create expectations and set up your spouse for success. We can help them get back on their feet, but it will require you to stop coddling and to stop doing for them what they are capable of doing. That means stop doing their laundry. Stop picking up the pieces. And absolutely stop rescuing them from all the mini-disasters they create. But it is obviously not as simple as that!
Did you know that it is estimated that the national divorce rate doubles for ADHD marriages? In fact, many researchers suggest that there is a 66% probability of divorce in the first 5 years if one spouse has unmedicated ADHD. That is terrifying and you are possibly heading in that direction! However, marriage with ADHD can 100% be successful. It will require a different approach because ADHD couples oftentimes struggle with marriage counseling because it concentrates too much in the ’emotions and feelings’ camp and focuses too little on actionable steps that pave the way for success. So, let’s change that up! In just a few sessions we can make dramatic shifts in your ability to decompress, be less responsible for others and feel a lot less burden within the home and marriage.